His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
