so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
