We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
