we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
