FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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