and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
