At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
