I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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