whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
