then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
