um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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