2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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