wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
