i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize