you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
