Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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