Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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