doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
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i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
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He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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