Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
