i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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