I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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