Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
