I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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