I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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