I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
