Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?