You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
be right there i have to get my cape
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING