I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird