I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Be still, my beating vagina.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I got inside last night via doggy door
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.