My nipple is on Facebook.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.