i just google imaged poop.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
