Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
