nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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