It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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