Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
