my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
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There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
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I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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