I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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