I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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