is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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