And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
