Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
