my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
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Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
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I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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