I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
