I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
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I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
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I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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