I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
