and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
