ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
