I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
