You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
