Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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