yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
