someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
