the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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