I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
