:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
