I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize