just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
