Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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