Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize