"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
