Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
