It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
