I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
