On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
