can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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